I am at a quandary...well maybe not quandary...but I have recently got back into dating...I've met some duds and some okay guys...I am currently talking to a really nice guy that I had clicked with immediately. We are taking it slow because we want this to be something that we go into with both eyes open (keeping fingers, eyes, toes, etc. crossed that we make it).
In our budding relationship, I am realizing that I have been in the habit of being both a woman and a man in everything I did in my past relationships. I act like a man sometimes, and I don't even realize it. My circumstances had forced me to be that way and also for a lot of women that I know. Just to give some insight into what I'm saying. I have seen women having to do for themselves, because they didn't have the help and support of their mates to help take some of the burden off of their shoulders. These women are in my family, they are my neighbors, friends, etc. This was and is a sad norm in my reality. Fellas I'm NOT saying all men are like this, I'm only talking about my personal experiences...if you are feeling some kind of way about this blog then maybe you are one of those men and may need to re-evaluate what you want for yourself, your family and your community.
Growing up as a child, the idea of relationships were the woman (my mother included) held down the house, the job, the kids, etc. even if they had a boyfriend or husband. I'm pretty old-fashioned when it comes to family dynamics: marriage, mom, dad, child(ren) all togther in one household. I'd wanted the partnership my grandparents had. I've tried not to be what I saw growing up, but sadly I have been put in that position that others before me have been.
I hope someday this changes and will be an exception for the next generation of little girls and boys growing up behind us. That will take my generation and older generations to take a long hard look at ourselves in the mirror to fix this since we are the examples that our babies are following, but that is another subject matter to go further into in another blog.
Being in this new relationship, it is bringing this "quandary" to my attention. I am for once allowed to be the "gentler sex" with this man. I am trying to figure out what that means to me and to us as we grow together. When I see him, I see someone that does not second guess that he is a man. Not saying that men don't know they are men, but with him I see someone who knows what he wants and will do what it takes to have the things his family will need. He is NOT the type to ask a woman to take care of him like he's a child (example: asking for spending money, a place to stay, etc.). There is a self-assured confidence with him that I have not seen in my previous relationships where the guy would tell me that they are the man, but I've had to feel like a parent to them for their decisions that have put me in survival mode.
Some of the things he does is he makes sure that I walk on the inside part of the sidewalk; he'll even move me back when I start to wander near the street...LOL...he even tells me it's okay to let go of the control when he sees concern in my face. He understands why I had to be that way. I don't have to be that with him, because he shows me that he has things under control. He even calms my fears by telling me my fears out loud to know that he was listening to me. So now I am relearning what partnership means for us and consciously telling myself it okay to need him as well as want him. You don't have to do everything by yourself. It's okay to be vulernable and to have that knight in shining armor to protect you. Like any other habit this will be a work in progress that I will learn to incoporate into my pysche. He is helping me to be more aware when I'm stepping into the Men's Zone :-)
NOTE: This is not about being submissive for either party but for us to look at redefining partnership that will be conducive to the couple and the family dynamic...there is no right or wrong way to know what best works you for...this is my personal walk that maybe helpful with others in their journey as well.
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