How did dating become so difficult? I have always heard of stories from our grandparents generation how they were married for 50+ years and they barely knew each other before they even walked down the aisle. On the other hand, I and many of my married friends were considered lucky if we even made it past the 7 year itch (5 years for more of us). I and a growing number of my friends are now in the divorce or never been married zone. We truly made a huge leap from long term marriages to the "I hope we can make it past the 1st date" scenario...oy vey!
I've digressed a little bit...back to dating. When I was in my twenties, dating wasn't so much work sort of speak. You were in it to have fun and enjoy the other person's company. If you clicked, that was just the icing on the cake. My dating experiences back then were hit or miss...you'd met your duds or you'd met your gems...it's the rolling of the dice when meeting new people. I'd met some okay guys that turned into longterm commitments and some that if ever I saw them, I would do a swan dive behind the nearest car praying they didn't see me...smh...LOL.
Now it's the new millenium, I'm older and hopefully wiser. I've noticed that dating isn't as easy for me as it was when I was "hot and poppin"...yeah I said that...LOL...I have no tolerance for bullshit and game playing, so my dating life had been few and far between. I'd listened to my instincts more and stopped giving people unworthy props because they had "potential" that they didn't use nor planned on using. I've done blind dates, online dating, just walking down the street hoping someone will bump into me and we'll instantly fall in love (like I've seen on my favorite Lifetime shows)... hell I've even entertained the thought of a prearranged marriage and/or polygamy...yeah I was getting a little desperate towards the end. I'm always hearing from people: "he'll be there when you'll least expect it"...Okay...so I've kinda pretended I wasn't looking but I kind of cheated by trying to look for him by not looking for him so he can find me just in case we walked by each other and missed our window of opportunity...I know that sounds crazy but hey I ain't getting any younger here.
Stories from my single girlfriends aren't any happier either. Is there any hope for us...the older sexy generation... to find a life partner in today's time of instant gratification, overstimulation, and too many options that men are encountering in the technological dating age. Let's face it, the internet is not helping in our dating relationships...there are couples who have broken up because one was obsessed with being online constantly. Facebook and other social media give us far too many visual options. It's like the candy store for people to window shop for liasons/hook-ups. I'm like Erykah Badu "an analog girl in digital world". It seems there is no place for old-fashioned values in today's hypersexualized reality where you can get the milk, the cow, and the farm by taking low expectation/ low standard having women to McDonald's or Whole Foods (inside joke...LOL) where they will easliy give it up for a Big Mac...wtf...is this what quality women are competing against...the easy lay...in my Fred Sanford voice "Elizabeth honey, I'm coming to join you."
One thing we can do to ease the dating frustration is to open up our options to guys that we would normally not be with in our preference zone (height, skin tone, race, religious and/or spiritual backgrounds, etc.). We never want to block our blessings by being too rigid in what we're looking for in a partner, but don't be stupid either settling for the lazy guy that thinks just being in your presence once in awhile for his own selfish reasons is enough to satisfy you. I've had couples tell me that they never thought they would end up with the person they are with now and how funny fate can play a role in their happiness. Say hi to that nerdy guy, you never know he'll probably treat you like a queen that you deserve to be and may make the best husband for you.
To my fellow sisters in the dating jungle trying to find long lasting productive relationships...keep your heads up and don't sacrifice your values just to have a warm body next to you. Any man that will find appealing a woman that will give of herself so easily for so little in return, you don't want as a life partner. It speaks VOLUMES of the man's character as well. The shear laziness and misogynistic view that those type of men have about women will be detrimental to your well-being. Just remember birds of a feather flock together. RUN if a guy can't respect your boundaries and wants to only think of his own selfish desires at your expense. I still have hope that there are "analog guys in a digital world" as well. Let's just try to attune our antennas to send and receive the signal for each other. (NOTE: If any guy take offense to this, then you are that asshole)
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